There are bees whose front side fits perfectly inside the opening of a flower. I know this because I watched these bees gathering pollen from a purple flower two days ago at the park. I watched how the bee was made for the flower, the flower was made for the bee.
Rumi said something like, "...there are beings that live on fragrance," and I don't think he meant just the bees. I think he meant us, too. I've been thinking about those beings and the fragrances they live on as I watch our cat slowly pass. It's been weeks since we first learned of her having a tumor in her intestines. The growth is growing.
She has arrived at the place where she won't eat. We give her turkey. She likes it for a day and then doesn't. We give her chicken. She likes it for a day and then doesn't. We even let her eat the clover and grass and my nasturtium flowers in the garden. We normally don't because they make her sick. But she doesn't even want to nibble on those. She sits in front of food and stares at it.
Sometimes I think she is forcing herself to eat because we want her to. But I won't really know if that's true, will I? Mostly she seems confused and tired and withdrawn. Her life force energy is passing into the place where food won't nourish her in the same way it used to.
I think, Is this what it means for someone you love to pass? They won't accept the substances of this world for nourishment? The bee no longer fits in the flower. The chicken no longer tastes like chicken.
When we went to the vet last night I asked about the process of putting her to sleep. Our cat turned her back on me when I asked him, When will we know it's the right time? The vet was a saint, tenderly telling us as he held his hands in his pockets that there are 1,000+ ways to know when the time is right and yet none of those times will be right for you.
I write all of this to remember what he said, to not get lost in the panic I feel in my belly as I spend time with her and she cries at me for something I cannot give her. Some say your dear friend of a pet will let you know when it's time. And I don't think it's time because she is still sitting outside in the wind and sniffing the air and licking what food we do give her and climbing into my lap now and then and purring.
So no, I don't think it's here yet. I see her still turning to the fragrances of this world, even though I know what she is searching for in nourishment is a fragrance not of her world with us here in Ohio. And so we love her. And that becomes the best food ever.